


I Know

by elronduil



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elronduil/pseuds/elronduil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with an argument. Who knew it would end up like this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Recorder

Tony creeps silently up to the stairs, his bare feet hitting the cool tile flooring with a light pitter patter. His eyes were half closed, but the need to drag his heavy body to the attic of his newly built cabin was overwhelming.

He nearly stumbled into the attic, tripping over his own feet. The sound of heavy rain and winds echoed in the room as he regained his posture. Stretching his limbs, he grabbed the dangling chain. With a swift but gentle tug, the light flickered on, brightening the room to the very corners. He shuffled to the boxes on the right side of the room. The many piles of cardboard were stacked high; some not – some open and some closed.

He plopped himself down onto the floor, resting his tense back against a wooden wall. Just in his reach was a small box, and he grabbed it, dragging it to his lap. Large fingers stumbled with the duct tape on the top of a box. An embarrassing minute or two later and it peeled away reluctantly, eliciting a ripping sound.

There wasn’t much inside the box. Only a few older looking photographs, a couple of Captain America trading cards that he dare not admit to owning – especially after continuously teasing Coulson about them – and, ah! There it was – on the bottom. The silver device he had purchased a few months ago for Pepper which had (unsurprisingly) gone unused. 

He squinted down at the round button with a red dot – the “record” button. He pressing it gently with his thumb, leaning his head back to stare up at the sky light which he had added last minute in the construction process. A select few stars twinkled behind inky black clouds.

“Would you look at that –“ 

He licked his lips. They were chapped and rough to the touch.

“I suppose I should start.” He paused, grumbling. “Now that I’ve said that, I have no idea where to start.” He hated that. Not knowing where to start.

_Jeez, you sound like a bitching girl._

He sighed, breathing out through his nose heavily. His mind was swimming with the images, the words, the colors of the past few months. Sorting his thoughts was like trying to look through murky glass – it just wasn’t done. At least, not with ease.

He rubbed his eyes, waking himself up. He couldn’t – wouldn’t – sleep until he finished his story.

“I suppose I should start from the beginning.”


	2. Beginnings

Tony Stark sighed. His eyes had wandered and had somehow found a way to the long figure standing on the balcony of the new and improved STARK tower. Tony excused himself from Pepper’s side, mentally scolding himself for being so naïve as to think the blonde man would be mingling.

The billionaire shoved past a few people, apologizing as he went. He slowed his pace as he stepped out into the chill night air. He stopped his death march (at least, that’s what it felt like) when he was a few feet away from the man.

“I was hoping you would be mingling with the other guests,” Tony called out, slicing through the silence that had been wrapped around them. He stared up at the sky in an attempt to avoid eye contact. A shiver made its way down his spine. He had almost died up there.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Steve grumbled, turning to look at Tony, slightly flustered. “I was hoping you would find me, to be honest.”

“Why?” The question seemed innocent; lacking any edge he had intended to have.  
Rogers bristled visibly, unfolding his arms and shoving them into his pockets rather violently. The sound of stitching being torn could be heard. Tony elected to ignore it, and Steve immediately regretting his action. This was the only pair of nice slacks he owned.

“I want to talk.” He paused, licking his suddenly dry lips. “That’s all.”

Tony sighed, shifting his weight from one side to the other. Crossing his arms, he balled his hands into tight fists. “I thought we went over this.” It came out exasperated.

“I know but –“

“You know?” It came out as a growl as he narrowed his eyes, taking a dangerous step forward. “You said that the first time that this,” he waved a hand between the two of them to signify that they, indeed, had _had_ some form of relationship. “Whatever it was we had or didn’t have ended.”

“I know that. I just – “ Steve ran a hand through his hair, aiming to calm his nerves. “I understand that this is a selfish request, but I just want – I need to know if it was only real for me.” The hand remaining in his pocket gripped his thigh through the material as he resisted the urge to raise his voice. He felt uncharacteristically weak when the other man didn’t respond immediately. He wasn’t quite sure of what he had been expecting but it surely was _not_ this cold silence. 

Stark snorted suddenly as he unfolded his arms. “Of course not.” That was it – no excuses – no threats – _that was it_. His fingers twitched when the other Avenger tensed his whole body.

“You must really love her then.” 

_If you haven’t thrown her away yet._

“You need to leave.” Tony’s voice was tight, leaving no room for arguments. Steve bit back a retort and his shoulders slumped forward as Tony turned away to escape from the balcony. He paused his movements as an afterthought. “You know the way out.”

It was like a slap to the face. In a moment of anger, he opened his mouth. “You can pretend that I don’t exist – like nothing happened and nothing meant to you. But if anything really did mean anything to you, I hope you feel guilty every time you kiss her.”

Tony grit his teeth and continued onward, quickening his pace. He went straight down the stairs, and directly to his room, leaving Steve in the cold, and the crowd buzzing in his living room.

The sound of a door slamming shut went unheard of. Tony slide down to the floor and took in jagged breaths, body shaking with overflowing emotions.

“I don’t need you to tell me that,” he murmured, burying his head in his hands. If JARVIS heard, he kept quiet. “I already know.”

 

~

 

_If I would have known what you would do a few days later, I would have told you everything on my mind._

_How much you meant to me._

_Why I did what I did; that I was so scared of how much I loved you that I pushed you away._

_But I was thought what I did was for the best._

_I’m so sorry Steve._

_I can only hope you realize how sorry I am._


End file.
